Hurray for Mommy and Bea; Remembering Elsa

The surgery is over and Melissa and Bea are resting. Bea was a trooper throughout the whole procedure.

We’re very sad to report that our little Elsa has passed. We kept telling her to hang on until today, and she hung on just long enough. The doctors said she started crashing before the procedure started, and we're happy she hung on because today would have been much more dismal without her efforts as we would have lost Bea too. We're so proud of her long and courageous fight. We’re happy that her suffering is over. She passed peacefully and painlessly. The doctors explained to us that her death was like carbon monoxide poisoning: first she fell asleep, then her heart slowed and eventually stopped.

The next 24-48 hours are a critical time for Bea. She has an excellent chance of survival, but with all of the disturbances to her fragile environment, she is still at risk. Your good wishes and prayers will be very well received as Melissa and Bea recuperate from the surgery and regain their strength and spirits.

A interesting stat from surgery: the doctors removed 1.3 liters of fluid from Melissa's belly. She jokes she can see her feet now. The reduction in surgery is good for Melissa so she can carry the weight better, it's also better for Bea too.

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Remembering Elsa

We wanted to each write a little bit about our Elsa. These are our sort-of online eulogies. Although we will never forget Elsa, after this we hope to focus our blog and our thoughts on the future we will have with Bea and joy the both of these children have brought (and will bring) to the world.

The eulogies are hard to read and you don't have to read them. They were therapeutic for us in the grieving process as we wrote them last night. They will help us document our thoughts about Elsa and will allow Bea to learn more about her sister in due time.


From Melissa:

It’s hard to explain how such a little - unexpected - person who has only been apart of your life for 22 short weeks can have such an impact. In that short time, she taught us so many things about life, love, and ourselves. We prefer to think of her as she was a few weeks ago, before she got sick. When she was still playing and interacting with Bea. Yawning and stretching her legs. She was always the calmer baby – to us she seemed like the more mature spirit, just sitting back and enjoying watching Bea mug for the ultrasound camera.

True to her name, Elizabeth Hope, Elsa has given us a wonderful gift: Hope for Bea. By dying today, Elsa has given Bea the best possible chance of a normal pregnancy and birth. Because Elsa’s hormones will no longer be demanding more nutrients, the fluid imbalance around Bea should be reduced. There is hope that Bea could now make it 32-34 weeks. In addition, Elsa’s body will be absorbed into the placenta, giving Bea even more help. Lastly, I know Elsa will always be there to watch out for Bea – and probably her daddy and me, too.

At the blessing ceremony for the girls, the Chaplin read us a poem about sorrow and joy. One passage says, “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.” We don’t know why this terrible disease took our perfect little girl now, but we know she is giving us great joy by helping her sister live. We hope to understand more about everything Elsa brought to our lives as time goes on. There’s that word again: hope.

Elsa, you mean hope to me. You’ve been such a brave, strong girl. I couldn’t be more proud or happier that you were with me for the past 22 weeks. You will stay with me long after you are delivered. Today, I give you to the heavens. Stay brave, up there. You will never be alone. I will always look up to you among the stars and sing to you, “Hush little baby, don’t say a word, momma’s going to buy you a mockingbird….” I love you, sweet baby.

Love, Mommy



From Matt:

It’s very important to Melissa and me that we share the joy and meaning that was brought into this world by little Elsa in her very short time. We’ve undergone probably a dozen ultrasounds over a period of months and were very fortunate to spend a lot of hours watching Elsa develop from “millimeter” into a whole person. It all started with the shocking eight-week ultrasound where we saw two beating hearts for the first time. We saw her develop her arms, legs, hands, and feet. Then there was the sucking thumb and the smile.

Probably the favorite memory of Elsa is the calm, mature person who did her best to ignore Bea’s antics. Bea would flail her arms and legs around as soon as she was able to, and do barrel rolls and summersaults endlessly. But what she liked better than anything was to play with Elsa. She loved to poke and prod Elsa in any way imaginable. When Elsa had enough she’d give Bea a big forearm and send her flying and sprawling across the womb, only to have Bea come back immediately.

Elsa was much more calm than Bea. She would kick and wave her arms, but at a much slower pace. She would just sit still with her arms laid peacefully on top of her in the middle of Bea’s endless antics (We’ve literally never seen Bea stop moving for more than a couple of minutes – and that was only once or twice). She’d just lay there and tell her other sister to cut it out for a minute – but to no avail. She is the well-mannered, studious and mature twin. Oh how Melissa and I loved to see the two of them play together and appreciate their individual characteristics, until things recently changed.

Two weeks ago we had a flawless ultrasound and were feeling great, then one week ago today everything changed. We saw Bea swinging around in a huge volume of fluid with Elsa smothered in the corner of the sac hardly able to move. The Twin to Twin syndrome turned our world upside down. This Wednesday for much of the day we saw that same image of Elsa stuck in her little corner, with hardly any room to move, with hardly any energy to move. That image will haunt us forever. Then the doctors assaulted us with fact after fact, image after image, graph after graph that showed us the bleak future for Elsa. Just as haunting will be the recent images of Bea touching and hugging Elsa wondering what’s wrong with her and trying to get her to wake up. She loved to lay her head on Elsa, next to Elsa’s head. We also believe Bea was trying to protect her sister from the onslaught of prods, noises and vibrations aimed at Elsa from the doctors.

We are so grateful that Elsa hung in there as long as she did to give Bea a chance, for if she had given up before the surgery Bea would have died as well. She displayed amazing strength and determination. Now she can rest assured she gave Bea one big last shove into the world. She will undoubtedly be with Bea, watching Bea, loving Bea, shoving Bea forever. Her love, her strength, her courage, her determination and her soul stay firmly within Melissa and me forever. Her spirit will be with all of us forever.

Grandma Anita, please look after our little Elsa and show her the way. We believe your spirit is much like Bea’s and will help fill that void for Elsa.

Elsa, rest my little daughter. You’ve earned it. May you enjoy an existence of abundant joy and happiness that you deserve. Feel at peace knowing that Mom and I will never forget you or stop loving you. We will not allow the world to forget you. There will never be another like you. You’ve made a huge wonderful impact in the little time that you had.

Sleep well tonight my darling. I wish I could tuck you in so much.
Love, Dad