Bea's Glamour Shots

Hi All. As promised, here are a couple pictures of Beatrice.

Picture 1: She is facing you, with her hand up by her head. It kind of looks like she is giving you a salute - or maybe she's waving hello. I like this picture a lot because you can see her eyes, nose, and mouth. The black spot on her belly is her bladder (which looks black, because it's full of fluid). To the left of her bladder you can see a little bit of her umbilical cord, which looks like a series of white dots. This picture was taken last week in Cincinnati.

Picture 2: In this picture, Bea is obviously trying yoga. She is lying on her back with her feet crossed above her belly (you can't really see her legs and feet, but I promise she has some)! This picture was taken yesterday.

I know some people think ultrasound pictures make babies look like aliens... but I think they're pretty cute. It's even better in person when you can see her moving around and kicking. In Cincinnati, we could see Bea very clearly sucking her thumb, with her little cheeks moving in and out as she did it.

And yes, due to popular demand, I will (relunctantly) post a picture of Matt and me soon, so those of you who know one of us can see what the other looks like.... and everyone can get a good look at my belly (you won't need the little arrow to identify that!).

Lastly, I put a picture of Elsa (from Dec. 4) in Matt's post called "The Light" below, in case you'd like to see her as well.

Hope you enjoy them!

Melissa

A Happy Appointment

Hi everyone!

We went to the doctor today - our first visit since coming home. Everything looks really good. There are still a few things to watch, for example, my fluid level is high again. But all-in-all, it was a good day. The only sad part came when I had to wait in line for the bathroom in front of the wall of "successful twins" pictures. That made me a little teary, but I'm truly happy for all of those parents and babies.

Bea was actually pretty calm for the ultrasound today (they said she was "active" but if they thought that was active, they don't know Bea!) Her heart and dopplers were good. They actually said she is starting to look chubby. We like chubby - since birthweight is a big factor for premies.

Spending FIVE whole hours out of the house (not to mention getting ready to leave the house) took a lot out of me, though. Phew, I'm tired. Tomorrow, when I have more energy, I will post one or two of Bea's ultrasound pictures -- so you can see what she looks like. (well, you'll sort of see what she looks like... it's all a little grainy - I'll point out the highlights.)

More tomorrow,
Melissa

Bedrest Benefits

It's been a nice and calm couple days here on the homestead. My contractions seem to have stopped and the stress level is going way down. We're starting to get into a routine - get up, take a shower (optional), eat breakfast, wait for Bea to start kicking as the breakfast gets to her, lay on the couch, eat lunch, wait for Bea to kick, lay on the other couch, etc. I think the dog is a little confused about why we're here every day, though - I get the impression that he is wondering if we'll ever leave so HE can sleep on the couch again.

Today was a truly banner day because CompUSA finally (after JUST five days) finished my computer. Of course, Matt had to go there and stand there for a couple hours to make them do it, but in the end it got done. So, tomorrow, I will be an emailing fool.

After several days of bedrest, I'm starting to see why it gets a bad rap. However, there are some good parts. Here is my current top 10 list of Bedrest Benefits (in no particular order)... I reserve the right to change it later.

10. Don't have to empty the dishwasher, and have a real excuse for not doing the laundry (instead of just avoiding it).
9. Matt has to walk the dog when it's below zero... every time!
8. Get to watch family members enjoy household treasure hunts for things like my slippers.
7. Get new and interesting hairstyles from laying on my side all day.
6. Don't need the alarm clock.
5. Family and friends cook amazingly yummy things and bring them over. (It's even more convenient then Let's Dish!.)
4. Biggest daily dilemma is: Oprah or Ellen.
3. Have an accurate count of cobwebs in each room that has a couch or bed.
2. Accomplish tasks that would have never been done otherwise (Mom and I actually hemmed the living and dining room curtains today - no lie! If not for bedrest, I probably would still be putting that off after Bea left for college.)
1. Get to wear sexy circulation socks all day.

Ok, that's all for now. Hope you are all well. Now that I have the computer, I will keep updating this more often.

Love, Melissa/Missy

How Fortunate We Are

It's about time I write an entry to the blog! I am restricted from sitting up too long - so my computer time is pretty limited. Also, I am only allowed to go up and down the stairs once a day - and this computer is upstairs - so once I go downstairs for breakfast, I'm out of luck until bedtime. Matt took my archaic laptop into the shop to get updated, so hopefully by next week I can reply to all the wonderful emails you've all sent.

It's good to be home. My parents are here waiting on me hand and foot, making all my favorite foods, and generally doing that parental-comfort thing that only your own parents can do. (I'm taking notes for Bea.)

As we start to immerse ourselves back into home life, one thing almost everyone says to us is, "I can't imagine how you're feeling right now." Well, actually, whatever emotion you can dream up, we've probably felt it twice today. The bad ones - anger, grief, sadness, loneliness, fear, guilt, etc. - are still regular visitors. They probably will be around for awhile, and that's ok. They have their merits.

However, the thing that has surprised me most is how overwhelmingly fortunate and blessed we feel. We are thankful for so many things - here are just a few:

- All of you who have sent us emails, posts, or prayers
- Our families who are bending over backwards to help us
- The excellent medical care and kindness we received in Cincinnati, Minnesota, and from others throughout the country (and the fact that we live in a time when such care is possible)
- The fact that we have insurance that enables us to afford such care
- The timing of our care and surgery, which saved Bea
- Elsa's impeccable timing!
- The spiritual signs that have given us great comfort
- Bullet, who often lightens the mood with a wag and a lick

And, of course, we cherish the experience of being parents to Bea and Elsa.
- Bea, our little fighter, and her constant encouragement kicks!
- The fact that Elsa existed at all, taught us so many things, and left us so gracefully.

OK, I have waaaaay overdone my "sitting up" time allotment -- so I have to go! Thanks for the support that you have each given us in your own way.

Love,
Melissa
p.s. Don't be afraid to call me - I can talk on the phone lying down! :)

The Light

We're in the process of trying to get a perinatal doctor appt. this week. The perinatal doctor won't give us an appt. without a referral, even though they were the last ones to see us. The OB GYN left us a message last night saying they won't see us again - we need to see the perinatologist. So we're in the process of trying to get a referral. Tomorrow morning we'll be giving up the Mr. Nice attitude and will be getting an appt. somehow.

I'd like to share a magical and spiritual moment I had last week. I've never thought of myself as one of those people who has big spiritual moments and is repeatedly touched by god. I think many people use God's name wrongly to fulfill personal and not very godly ambitions, such as athletes trying to win one more game along with some politicians and so many other people these days. However I think I had a truely spiritual moment and would like to share it. I've received good feedback from the story so far.

On the day before the procedure Melissa and I wrote our eulogy to Elsa and had many conversations with her and Bea. In Melissa's eulogy and conversations she gave the heavens to Elsa and said she would look up to the stars to see her and in the hope of seeing the occasional twinkle "hello" back from Elsa.

That night we had a marvelous time as Melissa and I attempted not to cry continually to upset Elsa. The four of us listened to comforting music, conversed quite a bit, sang songs and walked outside to look for the stars as a family. Well it was very cloudly that night and we couldn't see any stars but we had fun and felt comforted anyways.

The morning of the procedure they told me that after they took Melissa to the operating room they would call me about 45 minutes later to tell me the procedure started. They would call me again 45-60 minutes later to tell me the procedure was over. Well I got the first call after 45 minutes to say the procedure started. Forty-five minutes later a nurse came out to tell me they were having problems finding a good angle/entry for the procedure and they needed to get some more equipment from another hospital wing.

This all seemed so very odd, not to mention disturbing. How do they not have the right equipment? How could they be 90 minutes into a 45 minute procedure and not be able to start? What was going on? What was wrong?

I was sitting in a very large waiting room with floor to ceiling windows. It was very cloudy outside and there was light snow flurries all morning. About five minutes after the nurse told me they had been in the operating room for 90 minutes and couldn't start, a little patch of blue sky opened up right in front of the sun. There was no patch of sky anywhere else. I was facing the sun and it was blinding. It lit up the entire waiting room and bathed me in light. It felt so incredibly warm. Within seconds I understood what was happening.

Elsa was having trouble finding the way to heaven. God parted the clouds to show her the way. I instantly told Elsa to go to the light, that's the way to heaven. And to hurry before the dark clouds came back. I said goodbye to her, told her how much I loved her and how proud Melissa and I were of her. I told her she had fought enough and now it was time for her to live and breathe easier. I asked my recently departed Grandma Anita to reach down from heaven with those long arms of her and help Elsa get to heaven and take care of her. As discussed with Melissa the day before, I also asked Melissa's aunt Nancy to look after Elsa too.

The sun was out for about five minutes before the clouds came back for the remainder of the day. Just after the sun disappeared a different nurse came back to tell me the procedure had started. I told her I already knew that, then explained why with my story.

Matt

Home sweet home

We're back in lovely cold Minnesota. My dad picked us up at the airport and brought us back home where Melissa parent's and (our dog) Bullet were eagerly waiting us with a home made dinner. Coming back to warm family smiles and conversations has probably helped us avoid dwelling on the recent past.

Melissa's mom has offered to stay as long as needed which will give me a great deal of comfort knowing that Melissa will have someone with her as she stays home on bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy while I return to work. It'll give her time to get adjusted and to continue to regain her strength physically and spiritually before she's left alone. Having Bullet around is also a very nice security blanket because you never feel you're totally alone with him.

The Cincinnati doctors instructed us to meet with our local doctors this week. Melissa's OB GYN practice indicated that we'll be staying with the specialists (perinatal doctors) for the rest of the pregnancy so we're trying to find a doctor that we can establish a comfort and relationship with as we work our way week by week towards delivery.

I think it's very helpful for our immediate family to see us as part of their healing process too. It's been real tough on them being so disconnected in a different state. Melissa and I are growing increasingly confident that we're going to be okay. It's probably very helpful for our family to witness our smiles and laughs first hand, and to be with us.

Who knew how much pleasure could be received from the feel of a baby's kick? They're like little bursts of air slowly pumping back up our confidence and hearts.

Matt

See-ya Cincinnati!!

Our tests today went great, and we get to go home tomorrow!

Bea has improved on every aspect of her health. In fact, the doctors said she has improved as much as possible in two days - they were all smiles. The cardiologists still found some abnormalities in her heart, but even those have vastly improved since last week and they expect them to continue to improve. Other then that she is within normal ranges for her age on everything.

So, obviously, we're thrilled. It's still considered a fairly high-risk pregnancy with a long road ahead, but we couldn't have asked for anymore from today.

We are so excited to go home. We've decided that although Cincinnati is a nice city and all of the people here have been lovely... we really don't want to come back. Ever.

Talk to you soon!

Normal. Normal. Normal. Normal.

Hi All -- Today we're back making the rounds of medical tests -- Ultrasounds, Echo cardiograms, the works. It's a very similar schedule to the horrible day of testing we had last week, and to tell the truth, I'm pretty skittish. Every appointment is scary to me. (Matt is much braver.) In addition, at each appointment they go over what happened... "Oh, you have TTTS?" "And, one baby 'had a demise'?" "Which baby had the demise?" Not pleasant. Then at the end of the day we have (for me) the dreaded doctors consultation, where they give you the collected findings of all the tests. It was so awful the last time, I really don't want to go back. Cross your fingers.

However, on a VERY GOOD note, we just finished the first appointment - an ultrasound. Bea looks great. She was dancing and annoying the doctors as always! Even better, the report they gave us to give to the other doctors (yeah, I peaked) says she is normal in every way. Heart rate - normal. Doppler -normal. Aminotic fluid - normal. Etc. Seeing the word "normal" tons of times on a page feels like winning the lottery. The walls of her heart are still thickened, but it is now beating normally. They say she is like a weightlifter who has been working her heart muscle really hard - it will gradually go back to normal now that it isn't under the stress.

We'll let you know how things turn out. We might be coming home tomorrow!!

More later,
Melissa

Resting and recharging

Last night we slept about 10 hours, or about the total we slept in the previous 4 nights combined. On Saturday we started to have a more normal schedule so Melissa was able to rest and eat more regularly. Both of our energies levels are rising quickly from the deep hole we were in before. The extra energy seems to help hold off the grief and anger and to raise the spirits.

The grieving seems to go away a little faster. Anger begins to mix with sadness. Sadness of the loss is beginning to mix with disappointment as we need to rethink and re-imagine the future. In the two weeks before the bad news we were beginning to get real excited about our instant family for the first time, planning for things and beginning to shop and register for things. The disappointment of not seeing two cribs, carseats and a single stroller going to be hard for a while.

How do you answer questions about pregnancy? Do we have twins or just one baby? Learning how to answer questions will take a while.

When we started to smile or laugh again for the first time there was a lot of guilt about feeling happy no matter how brief the moment.

The panic attacks from everything little thing Melissa feels are beginning to go away. We’re slowly, very slowly beginning to feel a little more confident. It’s going to take a few good doctor appointments in a row before we start feeling confident, however we expect to be nervous wrecks before each doctor appointment up until delivery.

This has been a great day. A quiet day. The first day of progress and diminishing worries in a long, long time. A true day of rest.

Dancing Queen

Good morning from Cincinnati Children’s Hospital where Melissa is one of two adult patients in the entire place (the other is also in fetal care). The patient dinner menu is hilarious – lots of tater tots and pb&j.

This morning bright and early we had an ultrasound to check on Bea and look at a small tear between Melissa’s uterus and Bea’s amniotic sac. (Apparently it’s a pretty common minor complication from the surgery.) It went well enough that we will probably go back to the hotel today. Melissa is also on some drugs to combat contractions – which she's been having for awhile. Every little twinge Melissa feels sends us into panic attacks. We’ll probably need several positive doctor appointments to help regain our confidence – not that we won’t be worried silly throughout the entire pregnancy especially before every doctor visit.

In the ultrasound Bea was…. Bea! Dancing around so much that doctors were getting frustrated trying to get her heart measurements – but it made us pretty happy. In all of the ultrasounds we’ve done, we’ve never seen Bea sit still. We think Dancing Queen (by ABBA) should be her theme song.

We could also see Elsa. It was hard at first, but she looked so much more peaceful, happy and stretched out. She hasn’t been able to stretch in a couple of weeks.

Currently Bea and Elsa are around 10 inches long and little under a pound each. We will be able to see Elsa for a while. She will slowly start to get absorbed into the placenta and when she is delivered along with Bea she might not be readily discernible next to the placenta.

The long waiting game now begins in Cincinnati as we sit around the hospital and hotel waiting for Monday’s appointments. Melissa is not allowed to leave the hotel. We have plane reservations for Tuesday afternoon assuming everything will go well on Monday (we fully expect they will). We are very much looking forward to going home. Who knew you could be so excited to return to Minnesota in January.

Hurray for Mommy and Bea; Remembering Elsa

The surgery is over and Melissa and Bea are resting. Bea was a trooper throughout the whole procedure.

We’re very sad to report that our little Elsa has passed. We kept telling her to hang on until today, and she hung on just long enough. The doctors said she started crashing before the procedure started, and we're happy she hung on because today would have been much more dismal without her efforts as we would have lost Bea too. We're so proud of her long and courageous fight. We’re happy that her suffering is over. She passed peacefully and painlessly. The doctors explained to us that her death was like carbon monoxide poisoning: first she fell asleep, then her heart slowed and eventually stopped.

The next 24-48 hours are a critical time for Bea. She has an excellent chance of survival, but with all of the disturbances to her fragile environment, she is still at risk. Your good wishes and prayers will be very well received as Melissa and Bea recuperate from the surgery and regain their strength and spirits.

A interesting stat from surgery: the doctors removed 1.3 liters of fluid from Melissa's belly. She jokes she can see her feet now. The reduction in surgery is good for Melissa so she can carry the weight better, it's also better for Bea too.

**********************************

Remembering Elsa

We wanted to each write a little bit about our Elsa. These are our sort-of online eulogies. Although we will never forget Elsa, after this we hope to focus our blog and our thoughts on the future we will have with Bea and joy the both of these children have brought (and will bring) to the world.

The eulogies are hard to read and you don't have to read them. They were therapeutic for us in the grieving process as we wrote them last night. They will help us document our thoughts about Elsa and will allow Bea to learn more about her sister in due time.


From Melissa:

It’s hard to explain how such a little - unexpected - person who has only been apart of your life for 22 short weeks can have such an impact. In that short time, she taught us so many things about life, love, and ourselves. We prefer to think of her as she was a few weeks ago, before she got sick. When she was still playing and interacting with Bea. Yawning and stretching her legs. She was always the calmer baby – to us she seemed like the more mature spirit, just sitting back and enjoying watching Bea mug for the ultrasound camera.

True to her name, Elizabeth Hope, Elsa has given us a wonderful gift: Hope for Bea. By dying today, Elsa has given Bea the best possible chance of a normal pregnancy and birth. Because Elsa’s hormones will no longer be demanding more nutrients, the fluid imbalance around Bea should be reduced. There is hope that Bea could now make it 32-34 weeks. In addition, Elsa’s body will be absorbed into the placenta, giving Bea even more help. Lastly, I know Elsa will always be there to watch out for Bea – and probably her daddy and me, too.

At the blessing ceremony for the girls, the Chaplin read us a poem about sorrow and joy. One passage says, “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.” We don’t know why this terrible disease took our perfect little girl now, but we know she is giving us great joy by helping her sister live. We hope to understand more about everything Elsa brought to our lives as time goes on. There’s that word again: hope.

Elsa, you mean hope to me. You’ve been such a brave, strong girl. I couldn’t be more proud or happier that you were with me for the past 22 weeks. You will stay with me long after you are delivered. Today, I give you to the heavens. Stay brave, up there. You will never be alone. I will always look up to you among the stars and sing to you, “Hush little baby, don’t say a word, momma’s going to buy you a mockingbird….” I love you, sweet baby.

Love, Mommy



From Matt:

It’s very important to Melissa and me that we share the joy and meaning that was brought into this world by little Elsa in her very short time. We’ve undergone probably a dozen ultrasounds over a period of months and were very fortunate to spend a lot of hours watching Elsa develop from “millimeter” into a whole person. It all started with the shocking eight-week ultrasound where we saw two beating hearts for the first time. We saw her develop her arms, legs, hands, and feet. Then there was the sucking thumb and the smile.

Probably the favorite memory of Elsa is the calm, mature person who did her best to ignore Bea’s antics. Bea would flail her arms and legs around as soon as she was able to, and do barrel rolls and summersaults endlessly. But what she liked better than anything was to play with Elsa. She loved to poke and prod Elsa in any way imaginable. When Elsa had enough she’d give Bea a big forearm and send her flying and sprawling across the womb, only to have Bea come back immediately.

Elsa was much more calm than Bea. She would kick and wave her arms, but at a much slower pace. She would just sit still with her arms laid peacefully on top of her in the middle of Bea’s endless antics (We’ve literally never seen Bea stop moving for more than a couple of minutes – and that was only once or twice). She’d just lay there and tell her other sister to cut it out for a minute – but to no avail. She is the well-mannered, studious and mature twin. Oh how Melissa and I loved to see the two of them play together and appreciate their individual characteristics, until things recently changed.

Two weeks ago we had a flawless ultrasound and were feeling great, then one week ago today everything changed. We saw Bea swinging around in a huge volume of fluid with Elsa smothered in the corner of the sac hardly able to move. The Twin to Twin syndrome turned our world upside down. This Wednesday for much of the day we saw that same image of Elsa stuck in her little corner, with hardly any room to move, with hardly any energy to move. That image will haunt us forever. Then the doctors assaulted us with fact after fact, image after image, graph after graph that showed us the bleak future for Elsa. Just as haunting will be the recent images of Bea touching and hugging Elsa wondering what’s wrong with her and trying to get her to wake up. She loved to lay her head on Elsa, next to Elsa’s head. We also believe Bea was trying to protect her sister from the onslaught of prods, noises and vibrations aimed at Elsa from the doctors.

We are so grateful that Elsa hung in there as long as she did to give Bea a chance, for if she had given up before the surgery Bea would have died as well. She displayed amazing strength and determination. Now she can rest assured she gave Bea one big last shove into the world. She will undoubtedly be with Bea, watching Bea, loving Bea, shoving Bea forever. Her love, her strength, her courage, her determination and her soul stay firmly within Melissa and me forever. Her spirit will be with all of us forever.

Grandma Anita, please look after our little Elsa and show her the way. We believe your spirit is much like Bea’s and will help fill that void for Elsa.

Elsa, rest my little daughter. You’ve earned it. May you enjoy an existence of abundant joy and happiness that you deserve. Feel at peace knowing that Mom and I will never forget you or stop loving you. We will not allow the world to forget you. There will never be another like you. You’ve made a huge wonderful impact in the little time that you had.

Sleep well tonight my darling. I wish I could tuck you in so much.
Love, Dad

Thursday.

Today was filled with more tests and sadness. Luckily, I'm healthy and can undergo an operation. And, equally lucky, they have scheduled us for the first appointment of the day very early tomorrow morning. No time to think about it in the morning. In addition to the operation tomorrow, they will also hopefully be able to take out some fluid from around Bea. My belly has swollen from measuring at 5 mos pregnant to 7/8 mos in just a few weeks. So, taking the fluid out will take pressure off Bea and also make me a lot more comfortable (it's pretty painful to move right now). Matt will update the blog as soon as possible tomorrow afternoon - we'll both be staying in the hospital tomorrow night -- so it's a matter of finding internet access.

We feel as ready as we can be for what will happen tomorrow. We met with the chaplin today and had a brief, but meaningful blessing ceremony for both girls. It was hard to get through, but it was a great comfort to us both. In fact, I asked the chaplin to find us any prayer written by a certain author I like and she actually brought the specific one I had in mind - even though I had never told her the title. We thought that meant God was truly looking down on us all. Additionally, the radiologists and ultrasound technicians are putting together a CD of the pictures that were taken of the girls yesterday.

We really enjoy reading the posts and emails you are all sending. It's the first thing we do when we get back to our hotel room -- it makes us feel very connected, at home, and loved. It's so nice to hear from people who are familiar to us when we feel so out to sea.

That's all for now,
Love,
M & M & B & E

Not a good day.

Ok. This is not going to be an easy message for us. Here is the news in short: Bea is very healthy and active. Elsa is a very sick little girl and will likely not survive. If you'd like to know more, you can read on.

Elsa does not have a very large share of the placenta. Her lack of "placenta share" is not providing her with enough nutrients. Her heart is stressed and her head and body are not growing proportionately. If they did the surgery (and cut off her ties to Bea) she would probably die instantly. If she survived the surgery, she would probably grow sicker and sicker -- and likely not survive the pregnancy or birth. If she survived birth, she would likely have extraordinary birth defects.

To save Bea we have two options: We can help Elsa die quickly with a smaller procedure or we can do the surgery where she has some small chance. The surgery has more chance of complications for me (Melissa) and possibly more suffering for Elsa in the immediate and long term. It's simply not an easy call. With either option I will still be on bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy and Bea will still be a premie. If Elsa dies in the womb, she will stay there and be delivered with Bea.

The procedure (either one) will be done on Friday. Tomorrow is testing for me to ensure that I am safe to go through with a surgery.

We appreciate all of your love, kind, wishes, and support -- and we feel that the girls know you are thinking of them. We firmly believe that there is a reason for everything that happens. Elsa will always be an important part of our lives and spirits. She is truly special little girl and we love her dearly.

- M & M

I'm Hungry (and nervous, too)!

Hi There,

It's Melissa. I sent Matt down to the hotel restaurant to get some breakfast. I can't eat anything this morning because some of the tests need to be done on an empty stomach. So, I'm sitting here wondering, who's bright idea was it to do a full day of tests on a pregnant mom and her babies without letting her have even a granola bar?

Seriously, though, the first test is the MRI, then a 2+ hour ultrasound, then a family counselor meeting, followed by genetic testing/counseling, then a 2+ ECHO cardiogram, and finally a meeting with all the doctors and surgeons. They say the tests are all day with no breaks...
but they promised at some point they'd bring me a snack box.

Thanks again for all the good wishes -- they really do help.

-M

Safe Landing in Cincinnati

We're safely in Cincinnati. It's 7 o'clock here (6 o'clock Central Time) and we've already eaten and are very ready for bed. We've got a full day of testing tomorrow (back to back tests from 8 am to 4:30) followed by a team doctor consultation at 5:30 to determine a go/no-go for surgery on Thursday.

Melissa said I'd summarize our flight arrangements. Northwest Airlines will give you an emergency medical flight fare if you're going to visit someone in the hospital, but they won't give you a fare if you're going to the hospital. ??? I indicated that I'll be visiting my wife who will be in the hospital - but because she wan't already admitted - they wouldn't give us the rates.

My mother (Patricia) is known for being unrelentless with salesmen and service people. Well sometimes I get a little of that in me too as I found out it takes three layers of service people at NWA to get the right fare. You might say I disagreed with their reasoning for giving out the fare. Hopefully they adjust it soon so other people aren't inconvienced by it. Thankfully my persistence paid off and we're at least $1,500 for the better for it.

I'd like to quickly mention that on the plane ride Melissa indicated she feels that vibes make a difference in life, and all of the good vibes and thoughts we're getting from people really helps. It's time likes these that different perspectives of life open themselves to you. We'll never see things exactly the same way again.

We'll I'll sign off as we're watching the beginning of American Idol - at the Target Center on tv. We've only seen some pretty miserable singing for now and hope that someone steps up for the North Star state soon.

Good night.

Matt

Cincinnati Here We Come

Quick update: We talked to the Tampa this morning, and they were not able to get us in until next week. Cincinnati can take us on Wednesday. Our doctors here agree that we can't wait until next week, so we're flying to Cincinnati tomorrow. Wednesday we'll have a full day of tests (MRI, Ultrasound, ECHO Cardiograms, etc.); Thursday will be the surgery.

The doctors in Cincinnati have an excellent track record, and our doctors are quite confident that we will have a good experience there. We also appreciate that Cincinnati does more follow up then Tampa as well as assigns you family counselors to help you deal with the emotional parts of everything -- so we think we're making a good choice.

Elsa and Bea seem to be enjoying the bed rest and high-calorie diet they have me on. They've been kicking a lot more. Hopefully that means Elsa has some more room. I was singing to them last night. They seem to enjoy showtunes more than lullabies... at least I choose to believe they were kicking in appreciation and not trying to get me to stop.

Matt kicked some Northwest Airlines butt -- getting them to come down $2000 on our airfares. But, he wants to post that story himself. More later, Melissa

An Email from Tampa

Last night (Saturday) we received an email from our first choice doctor in Tampa. His care coordinator is going to get in touch with our doctors here on Monday -- and hopefully we can get in to see him next week. Keep your fingers crossed. If not we will try for Seattle or Cincinnati.

Welcome to Our Blog

As you know Melissa is just over 20 weeks pregnant with identical twins. At our ultrasound yesterday, we were excited to learn that they are girls. Unfortunately, we also learned that our girls have a rare and serious disorder called Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS).

With TTTS, some blood vessels in the placenta go haywire and send more nutrients and oxygen to one baby than the other. Most identical twins have some level of TTTS, but in the most severe cases (like ours) the syndrome can be fatal to both twins. One twin dies of starvation while the other dies of overload.

Luckily, a surgery was developed in recent years to help combat TTTS, but only seven specialists in the country perform it. As a result, we will be flying to either Tampa, Seattle, or Cincinnati this week for tests and, if appropriate, the surgery. With the surgery there is an 80% chance one of our twins will survive and a 60% chance they will both make it. With a successful surgery, Melissa will be on bedrest for the rest of her pregnancy (hopefully 2-3 months) and the twins will most likely still be born very early and spend 1-2 months in the hospital -- but we'll take it!

Just in case, we have named both girls in advance:

- Elizabeth Hope (Elsa)
"Elizabeth" after Melissa's mom, "Hope" because we need lots of it. :)

- Beatrice Anita (Bea)
"Beatrice" means voyager and "Anita" after Matt's grandma who fought all types of adversity and usually won!