Sunshine & Rice Krispies

Greetings from the living room, where Bullet, Bea, and I spend each day from dawn-til-dusk. (When I say “dawn,” I really mean 9:00 a.m. when I roll out of bed, but you get the drift.)

The living room has transformed from the most little used space in the house into a cozy cocoon. It faces south, so the sunlight bellows in all day. Pale yellow walls and chocolate-colored velvet curtains (newly hemmed, you may remember) make the place feel warm, no matter how cold it is outside. In addition, in lieu of art, we have black and white pictures of family members and ancestors on the walls – so I only need to look up to see friendly faces. Everything in the room, it seems, is conspiring to be cheerful.

There’s no TV in here – which is fine with me. I’ve never been a big fan of TV, but these days I stay away from it even more. I’m now sensitive to any storyline where bad things happen to babies or animals – and, you’d be surprised how often it comes up. To tell the truth, I’m getting a little ridiculous. I recently had to turn off “Star Wars: Episode III” when it got to the part where Queen Amidala was in danger of losing the Jedi twins…

Anyway, even commercials can trigger me into tears. The worst of the worst is a seemingly innocuous commercial for Rice Krispies. It’s a mom and little girl having fun eating breakfast, which is very nice. The background music, however, is the Hawaiian-inspired version of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. In Cincinnati, Matt and I decided that song was Elsa’s song, and it is what I had on the headphones when I went into surgery. As if the music and the toddler/mommy imagery weren't bad enough, the commercial ends with the tagline: “Childhood Is Calling.” So, I can be watching “Friends” when that commercial comes on and bam - I’m sobbing. (For a good cry, you can watch the ad yourself: http://www.ricekrispies.com/memorylanevid.aspx?vid=2b )

I know that life will be full of reminders of Elsa, and I’m getting better with them all the time. In fact, I’m actually starting to find the Rice Krispies commercial oddly soothing (as I sob through it and 10 minutes after). But, for right now, I think spending my days in my safe, cheerful, yellow living room might be the best thing for me. Although it's a little frustrating at times, I’m getting a lot of rest and building up the energy to cope with the “outside” when I’m allowed. I’ve got Bullet, my Ipod, and my laptop to keep me busy. I'm reading books, too. (No books where bad things happen to babies or animals, mind you.)

Well, now it’s dusk. Bullet, who spends the day moving from sunny spot to sunny spot, is in his dusk position: at the window watching for Matt to come home. And, I am about ready to make my nightly pilgrimage to the family room.

Maybe I’ll ask Matt to bring me home some Rice Krispies. All of this writing has made me hungry for them.

Melissa