Hump Day

This is truely a hump day. Half of a week has gone by and we're still hanging in there. It's been really, really hard. It's almost harder than Cincinnati in some ways. Cincinnati was extremely intense and horrible, but we had a goal to shoot for - a surgery date that was reachable.

The hard part now is we don't know how long we have to grind this out for. There's no easy goal to shoot for where everything is going to be perfect, because life isn't perfect. We're grinding against statistics and our own will right now. The netal intensive care unit (NICU) nurse spoke to us last night about the statistics. They showed they have the best statistics in the states. While we've come a long way in the last few days and week, there isn't a single date where we can focus on and know everything's going to be great. The bad statistics decline quickly each day and each week, but they don't go away for a very long time - and some don't go away because kids and people have problems.

We were both completely exhausted and overtired yesterday. Five days of straight constant anxiety is taking it's toll and we haven't been able to overcome the exhaustion with enough rest in the hospital. It's really hard to take a nap with all of the noises in the hospital, the beeps, the interruptions of nurses. Hopefully we can find a way to turn the corner on the energy level. Adrenaline can only take you so far.

Yesterday was the first day of this newest episode where anger, frustration and jealously came through. I can get out of the hospital and move around - but Melissa doesn't have any good avenues to vent. She needs a good work out with a punching bag, to be able to scream at the top of her lungs, to run or walk as far as her legs will take here. You really want it to be over, but you know that's for selfish reasons and we need to stay strong for Bea. I can leave temporarily and it allows me to focus on large time increments like days, 1/2 weeks and weeks. To me this is hump day. Melissa is on the front line and struggles through 4 hour periods. Her hump period is probably in the afternoon right now. Hopefully the days go by faster for her soon.

She told me she's going to be transferred into an apartment style room today. I really hope it's more comfortable and will allow her to relax and sleep easier.

I'm printing the blog responses on a daily basis for her and her yahoo emails as often as I can. She really enjoys hearing from people.